


Cut the Ending. Revise the Script.

by TashaVick87



Category: Holby City
Genre: Abuse, Angst, F/F, Happy resolution, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Suicide, as slowburn as a oneshot can be, berena - Freeform, i do not like alex at all and have written her accordingly, mention of sexual violence, mostly serena's pov, protective bernie, protective serena, sort of slowburn, straight out violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 11:15:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15072020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TashaVick87/pseuds/TashaVick87
Summary: AU for after Alex dumps Bernie. She comes back and her and Bernie start getting together. This breaks Serena.''Several days passed and still Serena couldn't get the image of Alex bloody Dawson hanging off Bernie's arm out of her mind, even though she was still yet to lay eyes on the woman since Bernie mentioned her. It seemed it was there to stay, this image, to torment her through her days and, inevitably, her nights. Oh god, her nights! As of recently they were a mixture of heavenly wet dreams starring one Major Wolfe, showcasing all the things Serena would like to do to her under the covers and horrid, vile nightmares in which that woman takes Bernie away from Holby. There is something to be said of the dichotomy of waking up with your knickers and eyes equally drenched.''





	Cut the Ending. Revise the Script.

**Author's Note:**

> I had this spur-of-the-moment inspiration after our ladies had a happy end (sort of) on Holby these past weeks. I hope you enjoy it. If there are some spelling mistakes, pardon my fatigue, I did this after work, and my eyes were hella bloodshot and dry :/ Reviews and feedback feed the muse, don't be shy ;)

''So, any plans for Friday night?''

Bernie looked up from the ever growing mountain of paperwork on her desk and Serena thought she could see her cheeks were flushed.

''Oh. I...Yes? Sort of...Alex is back in town and...she called and I thought, why not? We’re having drinks.''

She was babbling and Serena knew it, and where before she would do or say something to make the blonde feel at ease about her own fumbling nature, she was too busy holding on tight to her desk, trying not to faint with the news. Alex? The younger, beautiful ex, that Alex? Well, of course, no contest there. The woman would take Bernie away, seduce her with her youth (again), and that would be that.

But, as they said their goodbyes Serena truly couldn't let go of it. Couldn't just sail quietly into that good night. She shook her head as if that would help dispel the hive of emotions. There were two bottles of Shiraz she hoped could help her through her misery.

* * *

 

Several days passed and still Serena couldn't get the image of Alex bloody Dawson hanging off Bernie's arm out of her mind, even though she was still yet to lay eyes on the woman since Bernie mentioned her. It seemed it was there to stay, this image, to torment her through her days and, inevitably, her nights. Oh god, her nights! As of recently they were a mixture of heavenly wet dreams starring one Major Wolfe, showcasing all the things Serena would like to do to her under the covers and horrid, vile nightmares in which that woman takes Bernie away from Holby. There is something to be said of the dichotomy of waking up with your knickers and eyes equally drenched.

It was so unfair, Serena thought. Just as she'd begun realizing why it was that her heart skipped a beat each time she saw Bernie's messy head of gorgeous blonde hair from way across the ward. Just when she learned to rejoice at the possibility of them. Just when she was one millisecond away from inviting Bernie to dinner and pouring her heart out.

* * *

 

 ‘‘I’d have thought that thinking about it in such a negative way only made it worse, Serena?’’

‘‘Worse? It cannot possibly get worse.’’

She slouched in her seat, a death-like grip on her glass of Shiraz. Ric eyed her broken posture warily.

‘‘I feel like…I feel like I lost something. Someone I _know_ should be mine, someone I _know_ I should give myself to. And now…’’’

Ric had had just about enough of her wallowing in self-pity so he took over the rapidly collapsing conversation.

‘‘Now what, Serena? Don’t tell me you think that that’s it for you and Bernie?’’

Serena looked up at him pure confusion twinkling in her teary eyes. Ric felt like tucking her into bed and singing her a lullaby. Which in and of itself had made him continue with the pep talk, seeing as how the fearless Serena Campbell was in need of a severe reality check.

‘‘Don’ tell me you’ve already given up? Alex is back, so what? Are they engaged, married, have they even had one decent date? The hospital grapevine is a solid no on that front.’’

‘‘But…But Bernie said they were going for drinks last Friday night?’’

‘‘Yes, and that was no lie. If you’d stuck around, you’d have seen them at Albie’s. They were sitting with us. Well, Bernie was sitting and chatting with the rest of us, and Alex was bending over backwards in her attempts to get them to leave. I mean, not that anyone noticed, they were all well onto the third round when it became glaringly obvious what the woman had in mind.’’

‘‘I’m sorry, was there a positive side to this story, or did you just feel like kicking me while I’m down?’’

‘‘The positive, my dear friend, is that Bernie barely noticed any of the advances. I mean, sure there was a familiarity which can only stem from knowing someone for so long, from having the kind of intimate relationship they once had, but…honestly, right now? I see more intimacy between the two of you when there’s an entire operating table between you. Your eyes are always more than enough. Serena, what I’m trying to say is…go for it. Court the girl. Get your army major. Because from where I’m standing, the only thing stopping you is your own misery. Think of it this way: you have nothing to lose - according to you, you’ve already lost. So what in seven hells is stopping you?’’

Serena swallowed the remnants of her wine and sat up straighter on her stool. A fire of determination igniting in the pit of her stomach, she allowed a certain energy to overcome her. He was right. She was Serena Campbell. She could do anything. She just needed to be reminded of it. She turned in her seat and closed the gap between them, placing a chaste, warm, grape-scented kiss on Ric’s cheek.

‘‘Thank you. You are a great friend.’’

He chuckled into his whiskey neat.

‘‘Any time.’’

* * *

 

Where others would run a mile, Serena stood her ground. Deciding she would not let herself back down easily (thank god for Rick and the metaphorical slap back to her senses), she ran herself a bubble bath to clear her thoughts and begin the process of wooing one gorgeous army medic. If Ms Dawson thought merely waltzing back into Bernie's life was enough, well then she'd have another think coming.

* * *

 

 

It was the afternoon of the following day when Serena decided to face Bernie. Ever since Friday, she’d avoided her like the plague, but on hearing Ric’s words of encouragement, a plan had begun to form. And if what Ric thought of Bernie’s feelings for her was true, it should all work out. Part one of her plan was establish turf. And what that implied is getting all the details of Bernie and Alex’s relationship status. The very notion made her heart clench in fear but she held it together as she entered their office, ready to face the newly-arrived Bernie who’d been off on a five-hour long simple splenectomy turned riotous.

‘‘Hello, hello. I have arrived. Lord, that board meeting took ages. You’d think that no longer being part of it meant I’d have to see less of the gits. And I know from Raf you yourself have had one hell of a day as well. The boy made it?’’

Bernie turned to face her and smiled, one eyebrow arching victoriously.

‘‘It was very much worth the horrid, almost lacerating back pain. I really need a new mattress, hefting this one was what started the pains but it’s sleeping on it is what makes them all the worse.’’

All coherent thoughts left Serena’s mind at the mention of the mattress. Surely that wouldn’t be what drove Bernie to Alex’s arms? Practicality? Shaking the ludicrous thought away, she focused on the other part of Bernie’s statement.

‘‘Come on then, soldier, sit down, you were due for another massage anyway.’’

Bernie ducked her head shyly, blonde tresses curtaining her lovely face and Serena felt her heart melt and her breath hitch.

‘‘Thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you.’’

Serena preened inwardly under the praise and guided Bernie into a suitable angle in the chair she’d positioned in front of herself. Thinking better of it, a wicked grin crept onto her face.

‘‘You know what, I’m going to lock the doors and get the blinds, you should take your top off. If I’m going to achieve any results, this has to be a full on back rub. I have some cream in my drawer, should help the muscles relax faster.’’

She observed Bernie’s face as she processed the information and was pleased to see a beautiful crimson-hued flush take possession of it.

‘‘I…If you’re sure.’’

‘‘Definitely. I mean, the cot in the on-call room would be the better option, but I think Raf is having a kip in there, at least that’s where I saw him headed last. And the ward is all quiet, at least for the time being, we should definitely take advantage of that. After all, you still have another two hours of your shift to go.

Bernie hummed appreciatively and in one swift motion, mindful of the pain, discarded her scrub top, which left her in a simple black sports bra. Serena felt her legs almost give way at the sight, but pulled it together quickly. Scooping some of the cream from its container, she began the massage she knew would suit Bernie’s ache-ridden muscles best. It wasn’t long after that that Bernie started breathing more deeply, head now on her forearms, leaning against Serena’s desk.

‘‘You are a miracle worker, Ms Campbell, where have you been all my life?’’

Serena smirked and her hands slid lower, to Bernie’s lumbar region. As she caressed the aching muscles, she spoke, quietly, and due to her positioning, directly into Bernie’s neck.

‘‘Doesn’t matter, I’m here now.’’

And just as she’d said it, she moved a few inches further away to observe the reaction it would provoke. Bernie coughed rather nervously, and Serena could see her fists clenching and unclenching slightly, her right thigh beginning a nervous tapping rhythm against the desk.

And just as she was about to playfully admonish the squirming, they both flinched at the sound of Fletch’s voice announcing an incoming RTC. The moment was broken, but Serena was beyond encouraged.

‘‘We have time, Major, put your clothes back on – slowly, mind you. I don’t need another patient on AAU today. The lot coming in now is quite enough, thank you.’’

She smiled to show it was a joke, and found Bernie’s warm brown eyes regarding her with such intensity Serena thought she would melt with the love she felt.

But before Serena could savor it, Bernie spoke.

‘‘Oh, I meant to tell you, Alex and I were planning on grabbing lunch, but obviously that didn’t happen since my surgery ran long. So, I’m meeting her for dinner tonight.’’

And there it was. Serena recoiled at the taste the mixture of emotions left in the back of her throat. It was back - the feeling of complete inadequacy, utter abandonment, and…oh yes, there it was. Pure dread. Should have figured as much.

‘‘Well, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. Not long to go now.’’

‘‘Oh, no, what I meant was, would you like to come with us?’’

‘‘But, I thought…you two were…?’’

Bernie’s eyes widened in understanding and she smiled awkwardly, a profoundly lost expression on her face.

‘‘Well, I’m not sure what we are really. This period of our new ‘‘relationship’’ or whatever you want to call it has been a bit of a question mark for me, I don’t mind telling you. So…I’d really like my best friend there, if that’s okay with you?’’

Serena smiled despite herself. Bernie was so amazingly innocent it hurt to see it.

‘‘Of course it’s okay. You can count on me.’’

‘‘Great. Now…you ready for the trenches, mein Fräulein?’’

And off they went to save another day.

* * *

 

‘‘Bernie, it’s done. She’s gone.’’

‘‘No, it’s okay, one more, I just need one more jolt, and we’ll be back and running.’’

Serena stood back, gloved and bloodied arms up and away from the body, motioning for yet another charge of the defibrillator, eyes unwaveringly trained on Bernie.

They had been at it for thirty minutes. It was a simple tibia fracture and it turned into carnage. One of the bone fragments had nicked a major artery and they were both promptly bathed in blood. The devastating feeling of warm death would never be something Serena would get accustomed to. Blood loss turned to cardiac arrest. Serena surmised that the patient’s heart had already been weakened by a pre-existing condition.

As she watched Bernie shock and subsequently apply chest compressions one final time, she made herself look away. She shook her head at the nurse who asked whether they’d be needing the defibrillator further. The flatline sound was never a welcome one, but on this particular occasion Serena found it borderline offensive. She rushed past Bernie and turned the monitor off.

Frantic, Bernie was still massaging the patient’s chest. Serena waved the others away and they filed out, defeated and solemn.

Serena yanked her gloves away, approaching Bernie gently. Bernie, who was by that point still as a statue, hung her head, trying, but failing gloriously to find her bearings, the heavy breaths in her lungs the only sound in the room. Serena’s arms went round the blonde, leading her away from the table, and to the furthest corner of the room, away from the windows, away from prying eyes, slowly pulling her gloves and mask off.

Serena knew what it was about this girl, knew it because they’d spent fifteen minutes talking to her before they wheeled her in for what they promised her would be a no-brainer, a simple procedure. Her own lungs began to constrict, and they clung to each other for dear life, Bernie muffling her sobs against Serena’s neck.

Bernie let Serena slide them both onto the floor, let her whisper soothing words into her hair.

‘‘Shh, don’t think about it. She’s gone, yes, but it’s is not her. Darling, it’s not Charlotte, it’s not your baby, your little girl is safe. She is at Uni, she is visiting you in a few days. Come on darling, breathe with me. Listen to me Bernie, breathe with me.’’

A chain of murmurs, each link breathlessly entwined with the following to form a protective cocoon around the blonde’s already damaged heart. The dead girl was indeed almost a carbon copy of Lottie and Serena knew how Bernie felt, knew that if it had been Elinor’s doppelganger, that she would be the one in need of saving.

* * *

 

Later on, back in their office, Serena sat at her desk, staring blankly at the blinking cursor on her word document. Bernie had just returned from the locker room, after a much needed shower. Serena saw the look on her face and knew shame and guilt were eating away at her. So she knew that it was her task -  or rather privilege, as she saw it - to make such feelings go away.

‘‘Serena, I’m so sorry for – ‘‘

‘‘Don’t you dare apologize. It was perfectly understandable, you did absolutely nothing wrong. And if the roles were reversed, I know you’d do the same for me.’’

Bernie locked eyes with her, not letting go for a good minute, eyes serious and hardened.

‘‘ Always, Serena, I need you to remember that.’’

Serena swallowed past a lump in her throat and nodded, managed to look away, even though it felt like one of the hardest things she’d ever had to do.

‘‘I called Alex and canceled by the way. I really…I’m not up for socializing.’’

Serena’s heart began a wild thrumming in her chest and hope - which was a completely inappropriate feeling to be experiencing at that precise moment - reared its jaunty little head. She tried to shake it off and nodded, true poker face very much still in place.

‘‘Alright then. I best call a cab to take me home, then, I don’t think I’m up for driving right now.’’

‘‘No, Serena,don’t go. What, I meant was, I’m not up for…seeing her. Just her. We could still have dinner? Don’t get me wrong, Alex is sweet, I suppose, and she was once a huge part of my life, but ever since she got back in touch, I just feel…it’s off, you know? Maybe we’d still be together if she hadn’t left when she did and maybe we wouldn’t but…right now just feels like the wrong time for her to be approaching me again. And I just didn’t want to be rude by saying no, when she asked. I mean, I did lead her on for a rather long time.’’

Serena jolted at the last bit, indignant on Bernie’s behalf.

‘‘You did no such thing, Berenice Wolfe, and I won’t let you say anything of the sort ever again. You were hiding from yourself for so long. You were confused and in love. Or maybe not in love but something very much akin to it. And when it came time to choose, you chose your family, tried to salvage what you thought was salvageable. You did it for your children. And Alex needs to understand that. And in no way should you feel like you owe her anything. You only owe it to yourself to try and be happy.’’

Bernie looked like she’d zoned out but Serena knew she was merely processing the hard truths that came out of her mouth. Trying to admit them to herself and for once cut herself some slack. If there was ever a more self-deprecating person than Bernie Wolfe Serena hadn’t met them.

Slowly, Bernie looked at her and smiled, the words acknowledged.

‘‘Serena?’’

‘‘Yes?’’

‘‘Can we order pizza, here? I don’t think I have the strength to go elsewhere for dinner.’’

Serena smiled. Bernie Wolfe would bounce back yet.

* * *

 

‘‘Pineapple pizza is an abomination and should be eradicated.’’

Bernie simply smiled and popped another pineapple chunk in her mouth.

‘‘Oh, that is vile, you’re just doing it on purpose, now.’’

‘‘Maybe I am, maybe I’m not.’’

Perhaps it was the fatigue and maybe it was all the emotional turmoil of the day, but for some godforsaken reason, Serena’s mind conjured an article she’d read some time ago, about the extent of effects of pineapple enzymes on a woman’s…she stopped that train of thought in its tracks, and quickly looked away before Bernie realized she was blushing, crossing her legs at the same time, fending off unbidden images that came to mind.

‘‘Serena, are you okay? You’re not allergic to pineapple, are you? ’’

‘‘No, no, it’s fine it’s just - ’’

She panicked and blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

‘‘Hot flash!’’

Bernie eyed her sympathetically and knowingly, since they’d suffered through several strong bouts of almost ridiculously synchronized hot flashes in the time they’d known each other.

‘‘It looks like a big one, you’re as red as a lobster.’’

Serena thought for a moment she might actually be having an honest to god hot flash but there was no way she could detach it from all the other feelings coursing through her overwrought body. But before she was able to say or do anything else, Bernie had gotten off her chair and knelt in front of Serena’s, cool palms sliding gently across her forehead.

‘‘Dear god, you’re really burning up.’’

Serena felt unable to form coherent sentences, but instead focused on the plains of Bernie’s face, and figured she’d enjoy it while she could. The regal nose, the unkempt yet somehow still flawlessly stylish hair. The coffee-colored eyes, the fondness in them so vivid and transparent. Serena had to hold back a sudden sob.

‘‘The perks of having a poor circulatory system is that one always has a personal cooling device in summer heat. Or hot flashes.’’

They both laughed and Serena was unable to stop herself from almost whimpering in gratitude at the feeling of Bernie’s hands now traversing down the slope of her neck and onto her shoulders. She felt her eye-lids drooping, and suddenly, the coolness was gone. Before she had time to protest, she felt a pair of strong arms getting her in an upright position.

‘‘Right then, let’s go. You and I both have had one hell of a day, and I am driving you home so you could get some sleep.’’

Dreamily, Serena looked up at Bernie and couldn’t resist taking her hand, entwining their fingers tightly.

‘‘Thank you, Major.’’

* * *

 

The following morning, a refreshed Serena waltzed onto the ward with a spring in her step. As usual, though, just as she stepped foot in her office, she was faced with a check list of tasks and a slightly disheveled Morven.

‘‘Dr Digby, is the World War III about to break out, right now, this minute? No? Then I suggest you take a deep breath and let me sort this mess out. Has Ms Wolfe arrived?’’

Morven started to answer, and Serena noticed she was having trouble getting the words out.

‘‘Dr Digby?’’

‘‘Yes, she’s in the locker room, but – ‘‘

Serena marched out the door, on her way to ask Bernie about maybe dividing and conquering some of the things on the proverbial to-do sheet, Morven trailing after her.

‘‘Ms Campbell, I really think you shouldn’t –’‘

‘‘Morven, I’ve got this, go.’’

The girl gave up and shook her head, walking away.

Slightly befuddled, Serena quickly walked over to the locker room. After what she witnessed unfolding inside, however, she regretted deeply not listening to what Morven was trying to tell her.

Carefully, quietly, she managed to close the door without being seen. She all but ran to the peace garden, the image of Alex Dawson’s hands on Bernie’s hips and her lips on Bernie’s neck enough to cause a flood of tears she was having trouble keeping at bay.

* * *

 

‘‘Are you Serena Campbell?’’

An awfully familiar sound broke her out of her reverie, her tears long gone, resignation now in full bloom. She looked up and gasped.

She had seen pictures, but this, seeing her in person just made her realize what a wonder genetics can be sometimes.

‘‘Charlotte?’’

The girl smiled her mother’s smile and shrugged in typical Bernie manner and Serena felt her heart warm with affection for the child. Woman, really, but any girl round Elinor’s age would always be a child to Serena.

‘‘Yes. But please, call me Lottie. I was roaming around, looking for Mum. I’m a day early, I wanted to surprise her. And then when I saw you, I just…I’ve heard enough about you to recognize you. Mum talks about you all the time.’’

Serena’s face lit up at the words and she gestured to the bench.

‘‘Have a seat, Charlotte. I think your mother has a lot on her plate for today – so do I for that matter, but, I think we can do our best to squeeze you in.’’

She winked faux conspiratorially as Charlotte sat down next to her.

* * *

 

Serena was able to put aside her own misery and focus on Charlotte’s presence, which in and of itself was very calming and comforting. Before she took her up to see Bernie, they made a stop at Pulses to get something to eat.

Unfortunately for Serena, a most unwelcome presence in the form of Alex Dawson greeted them in the the line for coffee. And if Serena thought she herself despised the woman, the amount of dislike in Charlotte’s eyes would break the heart of the strongest man. Serena fought the urge to smirk proudly.

‘‘What is **_she_** doing here?’’

Alex, having seen them even before they saw her made to approach them and Serena moved protectively in front of Charlotte.

‘‘ If I were you, Ms Dawson, I’d keep walking. No one here is interested in anything you have to say.’’

Thankfully, the woman obeyed, but still glared daggers at Serena.

Serena turned to Charlotte, unease in her entire stance.

‘‘Sorry. I didn’t want her upsetting you further.’’

‘‘No, I need to thank you. I don’t know what would have happened if I’d been on my own. I doubt the crowd would have stopped me from giving her a long overdue piece of my mind.’’

‘‘I know you have issues with what she was to your mother, but – ‘‘

Charlotte looked up, a question in her eyes.

‘‘You think that was about Mum having a relationship with her?’’

Serena nodded, confused.

‘‘No! I mean, at first I was enraged much like we all were, and I am deeply sorry for writing that letter for the court, but…I was hurt. Not about Mum being a lesbian, it’s the 21st century, for Christ’s sake, but about her lying to us, lying to herself. And as time passed I realized I was simply sad that she’d wasted so much of her time. She deserves to be happy. But most definitely not with that bloody woman. When Mum was finally free and ready to give it a go, to live, Alex _fucking_ Dawson had the gall to leave. Just like that. I’m not even angry at _what_ she did but rather _how_ she went about it. Cut and dried. I mean she could have at least taken the time to talk it through with Mum. Oh, Serena…my poor Mum. She’s the best in the world. And her entire life has been shit. I just want all the best things for her. And that particular anesthetist is not one of them.’’

Serena teared up at Charlotte’s passionate defense of her mother and wrapped one arm round the young woman’s shoulders.

‘‘Needless to say, I agree wholeheartedly with your stance on Miss Dawson. But I’ll tell you one thing. No matter what else happened in your mother’s life, there is no way she’d have done anything differently if given the chance. Because she has gained two of the biggest treasures by choosing the route she did. You and Cameron are her proudest achievements, Lottie. Don’t forget that, ever.’’

Charlotte blushed, again, ducked her head in a way that reminded Serena so much of Bernie’s timid ways.

‘‘Now, come on, girlie, let’s surprise a certain trauma surgeon.’’

* * *

 

‘‘Charlotte! How, when did you-’‘

Charlotte launched herself into Bernie’s arms and Serena watched, in awe as Charlotte ensconced herself further in her mother’s arms. She could only dream of Elinor being that affectionate.

‘‘Serena, where did she come from?’’, said a confused, but over-the-moon Bernie, carding her fingers through Charlotte’s long, blonde tresses.

Instead of Serena, Charlotte piped up.

‘‘I got a day off rather unexpectedly, lessons were cancelled due to some red tape mess so I made a sort of spur-of-the-moment decision thought I’d surprise you. I hope that’s okay?’’

Bernie smiled so hard Serena thought her face might stay locked in that position.

‘‘Of course it is, Lottie, darling. I just seem to have a full day today, and –’‘

‘‘You most certainly do not, Major, not anymore. Lottie, get your mother’s coat, and off with you. I don’t want to see you until your shift tomorrow. I’ve got this.’’

The way Bernie looked at her, with such unwavering gratitude and warmth made it so easy for Serena to forget what she saw a mere thirty minutes prior. Forget the way Alexandra Dawson possessively pawed at Bernie’s body. Forget the snake-like gaze in the woman’s eyes when she confronted her at Pulses. In the end whatever made Bernie happy was what Serena would be okay with.

As she watched the mother-daughter duo walk off towards the elevators, she did however have an afterthought that planted itself at the forefront of her mind – none of this meant she was ready to give up on the blonde soldier. Alex Dawson would very much have to fight her.

* * *

 

 

Two days had passed since Charlotte’s visit and Serena was happy that in that time she hadn’t seen hide nor hair of private Dawson. Bernie had scrubbed in on most of her surgeries and when they were off shift, they’d have dinner together. Nothing new there, it was safe, it was brilliant. Except for Serena going completely out of her mind trying to figure out why on earth Bernie hadn’t mentioned what happened in the locker room. Despite that, she’d put the entire thing in the win column, since she’d had Bernie all to herself for two whole days, and would make further attempts to ward off any signs of Alex _bloody_ Dawson, hopefully without veering  to the _Glen Close in Fatal Attraction_ side of things. She still hasn’t gone that insane, thank you very much.

The annual _Holby Pride Month Gala_ invitations landed on their desks at exactly the right moment, Serena thought. It was the perfect opportunity to ask Bernie if she’d like it if they went together. _Sure, Serena. Casually ask her to be your date, no red flags would be raised there._ However, the part of her that felt strongly about asking Bernie out for real found this to be a sort of happy middle. Testing the waters out, so to speak. A colleagues’ night out. Yes. That’s how she’d present it.

Throat dry, palms incredibly sweaty, she swallowed with difficulty and turned her eyes towards Bernie’s slouched form _Honestly, that woman, how does she expect her back to feel any better if she keeps sitting like that! Has the army taught her nothing?_ Dismissing those intrusive thoughts she cleared her throat and just as she was about to introduce the topic, she heard Bernie’s rather unenthusiastic question.

‘‘Serena, what exactly is the Holby Pride Month Gala?’’

Serena tried not to look like a fish out of water, shut her mouth and furrowed her eyebrows in question at the despondent tone.

‘‘I mean, I know what it is, but…why was I invited?’’

‘‘All senior members of staff and the entire board are invited. Not just our hospital, it includes all the other hospitals as well. The gala is just a part of the Pride Month Initiative. The focus is on LGBT+ charities and of course, dealing with inclusivity in the work place, among other things. Pride month is a way of creating a safe space, and broadening everyone’s horizons on as many important topics as humanly possible.’’

Bernie tilted her head in thought, making Serena love her all the more for her mannerisms.

‘‘Oh, well…right…’’

‘‘Bernie, what is it?’’

‘‘I don’t know how to say it without sounding like an utter prick.’’

‘‘Just say it. After all, it’s just me.’’

Bernie smiled and looked away, for some reason refusing eye contact.

‘‘Everyone around here knows everything there is to know about my life. The IED, the divorce, everything that happened with my children, the nastiness of it…I never felt like I had any opportunity to be me without a captive audience present. And this Gala…I’m just afraid it will end up being another way in which all of my actions will be dissected, that I’d be just like a zoo exhibit for all of them. And I know what you’re going to say, that these people are my friends, and you’d be right. Some of them are. But there are still so many vicious murmurs, Serena. I’m still nothing more than water-cooler gossip, and I feel it like a slap in the face. I didn’t choose for any of this to happen. But somehow, some people think it’s okay to pass judgment on what I do with my life and who I do it with. I barely eat, I can’t sleep. I make myself stay in this hospital, in this office with you for as long as possible because I don’t know how to function outside it. I hate using you as my shield from the rest of the world, but there you have it, you are the only thing that seems to work. And I know saying all of this makes me sound incredibly selfish, but…I can’t help it, Serena.’’

The serious, defeated way in which Bernie almost sank into her chair, afraid of what Serena had to say jolted the brunette surgeon into action. Slowly, she stood up, grabbing her coat.

‘‘Fresh air, Ms Wolfe?’’

Bernie looked up and Serena had to hold herself back from the desire to kiss her. Instead she smiled affectionately, encouragingly.

‘‘Okay.’’

Soft and openly trusting, that one word made Serena grab her pendant and twirl it mercilessly, which was always her one nervous tell. Luckily, the blonde missed it as she was getting her hoodie from the coat rack. Oh, lord. Bernie Wolfe had such power to break her entirely and she didn’t even have a clue.

* * *

 

On the roof, a June breeze managed to lighten the mood of the conversation, Serena felt. She’d sat in one of the two fold-out chairs while Bernie took the other.

‘‘Any chance of a smoke?’’, asked Serena, knowing perfectly well that there was always a stash in Bernie’s favourite Holby hoodie.

‘‘You sure?’’

‘‘Yup. I may have quit smoking, but it wasn’t because I wanted to, not really. Elinor had asthma. Now she’s not around as much, I indulge. Doesn’t mean everyone gets to see it.’’

Bernie nodded, appeased.

‘‘So, I’m one of the privileged few?’’

‘‘Try the only one.’’

That seemed to shut the blonde up on the topic and out of the corner of her eye Serena could see her smiling to herself. But then it was time to delve into why they got out onto the roof in the first place. Far from prying ears and the Dom Copelands of the world. She did love that boy, but she was not blind to his fondness for gossip.

‘‘Edward cheated. You know that. But there’s cheating and then there’s trying to bed everything within a ten mile radius with no regard for anyone but yourself. With not even a modicum of respect for the woman you spent the better part of two decades with. Edward drank and everyone always made excuses for him. _His job is stressful. He’s got a lot going on right now_. But no one ever heard the words he would say to me while he was drunk. No one ever, EVER, thought about how it might have affected his daughter.’’

She tried to keep the tears at bay, it was the last thing Bernie needed. She willed herself to continue.

‘‘Because let’s face it, this is all one big boys’ club, and apparently not even getting caught red-handed made him deserving of the scarlet letter. Instead, for some reason, it was passed on to me. _I_ was the shamed one, the one responsible for his wandering ways. I was left dealing with a rebellious Elinor who’d taken his side. Everything I ever did always seemed just that much short of good enough. There were nights when Elinor was with him, and I’d be on my own with nothing but a bottle of Shiraz for company. One time, one slipped out my grasp and ended up on the floor in shards.’’

The next bit was where she knew she could drive the point across. If only the very memory of what she wanted to do, however briefly, didn’t make her so ashamed, still. Heart beating almost out of her throat, she took a long drag of the cigarette. Once the nicotine was soothingly placed in her alveolae, she continued.

‘‘ I’m not going to lie, Bernie, the biggest, most jagged piece of that glass seemed to almost call out to me. How easy would it have been to give up? So very, very liberating. Elinor had her father, and at that point, I felt like an afterthought to her. And to this day, I will not know what changed the course of my actions, saving me from the most horrid thing I could have done to myself. Instead, when I held that cold piece of glass, it almost felt like it was propelling me forward. I found myself standing in front of a hideous painting Edward bought when we got married. I hated that thing to oblivion and back but never said anything for fear of…I don’t know what really. And I used the shard to rip it to shreds. I think that was the first time I felt truly alive since it all started happening. I felt like I could breathe for the first time. The cleanse had started. And what I’m trying to say is…your cleanse will start too, there is no need to worry. But until it does, I am more than ready to be your shield. Okay?’’

She’d shocked the army major with her confession, she could tell, the tiny tremors of the surgeons body visible in the clear sunny light of day. Suddenly, she found herself with arms full of Bernie Wolfe and they both held on for dear life, much like they did in the operating theater.

When they disentangled, Serena couldn’t stop herself from combing away some of the blonde strands away from her friend’s face.

‘‘So how about it, Berenice? Would you like to be my date to the ball? I know for a fact there’s always an extensive wine list.’’

The Major nodded, without thinking twice, sealing the deal with one of their customary handshakes. As Serena felt Bernie’s warm palm slide so easily, quickly and surely into hers, all she could think of was that the world can go round.

* * *

 

It was the sky blue tulle disaster one that did her in. It felt utterly hopeless. She was never going to find anything. Serena had last decided to splurge this kind of money on a new dress back when she was getting married, and that was telling (and quite frankly, she recalled that maybe not even her wedding dress was in the price range she was more than willing to spend on this gala outfit). Was she really trying that hard, merely to impress a romantic prospect? The answer was clearly a resounding yes. Bernie was worth it and more.

She exited the fitting room, sidestepping the mountain of dresses she’d already tried on and she frowned at Sian, who was sitting placidly in the waiting area in the front, sipping on her complimentary champagne flute.

‘‘Eleven, darling. That was your eleventh dress.’’

‘‘Shut up.’’

Sian smiled, amused and a tad baffled.

‘‘Is there any particular reason you’re this distracted about this gala? It’s the same as any other year. We go, have fun, catch up with old friends, enjoy the multicolored decorations, drink far too many vodka-cranberries, or in your case - cases of Shiraz - and afterwards, we go home. Well, you go home, and I pull. World of difference.’’

Serena laughed out loud at that and sat next to the blonde on the comfortable couch.

She sighed, looping her arm through her friend’s and leaned her head against her shoulder.

‘‘…’Rena? Is everything alright?’’

‘‘I don’t know. I think I’m going slightly mad, Sian. Or it could just be the lust talking.’’

She should have known not to use such words in front of Sian but she couldn’t help it. She was the last person she could count on to confide in about what she felt. And the lustful part of her love for Bernie was actually what caused her to blurt it out, so she really couldn’t bring herself to reprimand it.

‘‘Lust? Oh my…’’

But as Sian made eye contact, ready to start the third degree in the way only she knew, her eyebrows arched up in recognition of something. She pressed her lips together and nodded knowingly, a warm smile adorning her features.

‘‘So…you’re in love?’’

Serena looked away, feeling her cheeks heat up. Her hands clasped in her lap, she nodded affirmatively and felt the first of the tears start to fall.

‘‘Oh, Serena…come on, tell old Sian what the full story is.’’

And Serena did.

* * *

 

‘‘Well…You have thrown me for a loop here, I had no idea you were of the Sapphic persuasion, though I dare say we both have an intense dislike for labels, as you well know.’’

‘‘I’m not even sure it’s women I like. Just…Bernie.’’

‘‘That you _love_.’’

‘‘Yes.’’

Sian took another sip of her drink and leaned back on the couch.

‘‘Well, alright then. If it is Bernie you wish, I have no doubt it is Bernie you will get. And now that I know that this hunt for the perfect outfit has nothing to do with the gala, I know exactly what we’re on the lookout for. You sit tight, and I’ll have a few words with the salesgirl. Hopefully the fact she works on commission is enough to make her forgive us for staying here after hours.’’

* * *

 

The silken sensation of the emerald material sliding in a rich cascade of layers against her skin made Serena swirl in front of the mirror, trying to see it from all angles. It was a beautiful floor-length gown scooped snugly at the waist, with an off the shoulder collar and a slight train, for dramatic effect.

 She used to be weary of the off-the-shoulder design, but this particular dress felt like it was made for her. It hugged all the curves it was supposed to without making them vulgar, accentuated her collarbones and somehow even managed to give her a leggy look – the hip-high slit on the left side made sure of that. The black stiletto heels completed the outfit, and made her look, all in all, like something out of Greek  mythology. An Aphrodite born of her own necessity, only now able to see her true potential. She never tried this much for Edward or Robbie. Or any of the other men in her life. What was it about Bernie, she wondered. But in the end, she realized she didn’t need to know.

She smiled at her perfectly made-up reflection, added a spritz of Bvlgari to her wrists and neck and turned to the stairs. Bernie was due to arrive in five minutes.

* * *

 

Much like her first shock of awareness of how she felt for the woman, the image took her aback with just the same intensity. Bernie stood before her, dressed in a perfectly tailored suit. The trousers -black cotton, high-waisted - did wonders for her already delectable legs, thought Serena. The shirt was pristine white, tucked in, first few buttons open, with an undone bowtie for added flair. Her jacket was draped over her arm.

 Her blonde hair was as always, messy, but Serena thought she could see the influence of a stylist in there somewhere and the smell of hairspray was noticeable and somewhat intoxicating. Her shoes were stilettos, too, and Serena was awed, never thought she’d see the day Berenice Wolfe wore heels, let alone actual killer stilettos. But then again, upon first meeting her, Serena would never have thought she be in this deep. You live you learn, echoed in her brain.

 Serena remembered to look up only to be met by a questioning gaze and a familiar smile. She realized her scrutiny of Bernie was probably not as swift or subtle as she would have wished and ducked her head to shake it off.

‘‘S…Sorry. Just let me get my wrap and we can go.’’

Moving away from the door, she thought she could see a glint in Bernie’s eyes, one of equal appreciation, maybe even attraction. Of course, her wishful-thinking brain might just be playing tricks on her, she reasoned as she grabbed the wrap and locked up.

But before she was able to head for Bernie’s car, she felt the blonde’s hand wrap gently round her wrist, stopping her in her tracks. She whirled around, heart almost popping out of her ribcage. Bernie moved in closer, her left hand brushing a strand of her short wayward hair back into place, smiling warmly, and Serena thought she might just faint.

‘‘You look beautiful, Serena.’’

That timid smile would be the death of her, Serena pondered, dazed.

 Her wrist still within Bernie’s grasp, she felt the warmth of the woman’s body envelop her entirely and when Bernie leaned in to place a soft kiss on her cheek, she had to hold back an appreciative moan. Later on, in the car, she couldn’t help but ask herself how many more of said moans she was going to have to smother.

* * *

 

Her plans for the night – which were at that point a little vague even to her – were put on hold as soon as she laid eyes on Edward. She swore under her breath and paused in the middle of the entrance lobby.

‘‘Serena?’’

Bernie turned to fetch her as she seemed unable to put one foot in front of the other. It was completely unexpected, and in hindsight she should have been prepared. But Pride Month Gala and Edward? If there was ever a mismatch, that was it.

‘‘I’m fine it’s just…I need to use the loo before I go in.’’

‘‘Oh, okay.’’

Bernie seemed not entirely convinced, but she nodded anyway.

‘‘I’ll find our table get us a few drinks, I know the bar tends to get crowded in the early parts of these things.’’

Serena smiled shakily.

‘‘Thank you, you’re a gem. Won’t be long.’’

* * *

 

 

After a long pep talk she gave her reflection in the ladies’ room, Serena felt strong enough to join the party. Her eyes scanned the room for any signs of Bernie. She spotted her in the back, engaged in a chat with Morven and Rick. But just as she had decided to bee-line it to the table, she was caught off guard by the very bane of her existence.

‘‘Serena!’’

She stopped, paused to gather her bearings and when she felt like she could look at him without wanting to punch his lights out, turned elegantly in her stilettos, striking the most intimidating pose she could without being too obvious, her eyes flaring.

‘‘Edward. Is there something I can help you with?’’

‘‘My my, don’t you scrub up well these days. Though it all reeks a little too much of trying too hard, hm, darling? Making an effort to re-capture your youth?’’

Turning to look to his table and his child-bride, Serena raised her eyebrows.

‘‘No, I think you’ve got that particular area covered. Now, if you’ll excuse me.’’

She was able to dodge his wandering hands without too much of a fuss, and as she sat herself next to Bernie, she felt her insides shudder with annoyance. She was so looking forward to the evening. Now, all she could think about is crawling into a warm bed and forgetting all about the gala.

‘‘Serena?’’

Just her name. Bernie uttered the three syllables with such strength of expression that Serena was always able to read the intention in them. Sometimes it is anger, though rarely, usually over a disagreement regarding a patient’s treatment. Sometimes it’s pained, seeking help in a situation she thinks it would do her a world of good just to talk to someone. And sometimes it is said in a way that oozes comfort, and Serena wishes she could bottle the sound and uncap it on miserable nights such as this.

She turned to her friend and her mask fell.

‘‘Edward.’’

Bernie tried not to make it too obvious, but her face said it all, at least to Serena. The strong line of her jaw clenched so hard the brunette feared she would see her teeth shattering in a minute. The major’s brows furrowed, and she turned in her seat to try and locate him.

‘‘What happened?’’

‘‘Nothing, calm down. I won’t have him ruining someone else’s evening. He was his usual charming self, I’m used to it. Honestly. Let’s just enjoy the food, okay?’’

Ubothered though she would have liked to have sounded, she knew it didn’t work, knew Bernie could see every ounce of pain seeping through her heavily made-up pores. Maybe Edward was right. Maybe she _was_ trying to recapture her youth. Self-conscious, she gathered the skirt of her dress closer. Her eyes downcast, she focused on the entrée being served and the to and fro of experienced waiters and waitresses. Under the table though, Bernie’s hand sought hers, entwining their fingers.

‘‘I’ll be with you all night if need be. I won’t let him…well…I won’t let him be him.’’

It was all too much for Serena so she just squeezed the hand in hers in gratitude, not trusting her voice and concentrated on her meal. Surely the evening could only go up from there?

But somehow, her gut told her the worst was yet to come.

* * *

 

 

Her second glass of Shiraz in, she realized she’d lost her taste for it, at least for the evening. She was able to maintain her public ‘‘spirit of the party’’ persona for a while until it started grating on her nerves. It was a few hours into the night and they still had a few more to go. Bernie was, as promised, always by her side, straying away only to get refills for their drinks. She was there now, waiting at the bar to get Serena a glass of water for her Advil.

 Serena sighed, saddened by her failed plans, and caught sight of Sian at the arm of a young boy of no more than 25. Her pull of the night, Serena gathered. She hadn’t mastered enough strength to explain to her friend how nothing went the way she wanted it to, simply due to Edward’s presence. She waved her off, mimicking a phone call, letting her know they’d talk tomorrow.

Sian nodded, feeling bad for her friend, it seemed, and steered her new beau out the door of the venue. Serena laughed at the speed with which she was able to reel him in. A little thing like age could never stand in the way of Sian Cors having a good time. And good for her, she mused. ’’ _If only I’d learned to follow her lead more often_.’’

And then, as if her night wasn’t shit enough, there it was. The thing that was going to make her drink that case of Shiraz Sian had joked about until either alcohol poisoning or the world’s biggest hangover ended up being the death of her.

Alex Dawson. Right next to Bernie at the bar, her hand so familiarly mapping out the length of Bernie’s right arm, playing with the undone buttons of her shirt.

Serena rushed off to the loo, grateful to find it blessedly empty. She locked herself in one of the spacious stalls, breaths uneven, vision blurred and foggy.

The tears were too much, there had to be another way of expelling her misery. She wanted to scream, but knew she hadn’t the voice to do so.

Suddenly, she could hear herself counting to ten and back in German, an old anger management technique she used at Uni. She supposed it worked well for heartbreak, too.

Not very sophisticated, but it did the trick, the tears were allowed to come properly now, and air finally entered her lungs. Ten minutes in, she was able to peel herself of the wall of the cubicle and exit the ladies’ room. Unfortunately, there was no strength left in her to rejoin the others. Instead, she picked up her wrap and walked away quietly, digging through her purse for her phone. She should have come in her own car, but Bernie had insisted. Too late for regrets now, she thought miserably as she dialed the cab company, trying to get her voice up-to-par.

Thus occupied, she failed to hear footsteps coming towards her until she was halfway across the half-empty parking lot.

* * *

  
 ‘‘Come on, Bern. We were good together.’’

As Bernie focused on not dropping Serena’s water glass and her own scotch, she side-eyed a rather drunk Alex, trying but failing to escape the woman’s touch. She had hoped that Alex wouldn’t be attending the gala, but her hopes evaporated as soon as she entered the venue, spotting an already tipsy Alex heading her way. In a way, she was dodging her in the same way Serena was dodging Edward and as soon as she realized that Alex wasn’t going to approach her unless she was singled out, she felt more calm and able to focus on getting Serena out of Edward’s way. However, logistics of the refills made it so she’d lost sight of Serena and panicked, only to be cornered by her own troublesome stalker.

‘‘I’ve told you once, and I’ll say it again, Alex. I have tolerated your behavior for the sake of our friendship, for the sake of what we were to each other. Because I had done wrong by you. I thought we could build that friendship back up. I have tried, in every way possible, to explain to you that we were not good together, not anymore. You sexually assaulted me, Alex! You’re lucky I didn’t call the police! So listen to me carefully. First, get your hands off me. And second, don’t ever speak to me again. I’m done.’’

She tried valiantly not to think of how scared Alex’s act had made her, how she pushed and pushed even when Bernie started pushing back, realizing simple words of refusal weren’t going to cut it. What saved her was Morven and her busy schedule. She still hadn’t told anyone that after she’d taken Charlotte to the train station that night to see her off, she’d sat in her car and cried the fear out.

‘‘We are done Ms Dawson.’’

Alex’s face turned stormy as she straightened to her full height, no longer in flirt mode. She looked almost ugly, thought Bernie, but that may have been due to her own burgeoning feelings of anger. She tried to remind herself that this was someone she once loved, but it proved fruitful. Suddenly, Alex narrowed her eyes to almost lizard-like slits and lowered her voice.

‘‘Don’t think I don’t know about her. The woman you’ve spent all evening clinging to. The ever so straight co-lead Serena Campbell. What are your hopes here, Major? That she’d at one point realize she doesn’t need dick in her life anymore? That’s she’d leave them all to ride off into the sunset with you? I see the way you look at her. How you would do anything for her. Well guess what, _Berenice_? She is never going to give you the time of day. Because in the end, you’re nothing more than a washed out dyke who’d still be in the closet but for a gossiping colleague who ended up outing you. Because you always did like waiting for others to map the course of your life, didn’t you? But guess what, that’s not how the world works, and you’re going to end up miserable and alone. Your kids may be around for now, but soon, very soon Bern, you’ll do something to make them leave you again, and that’s a fact. Because that is just what you do. That is who you are.’’

Bernie felt it like a stab to the heart. All of it. So many of her own fears thrown right back at her, as if dug up from way down in her core where she’d tried so hard to bury them. Speechless, she watched as a shadow fell over Alex gloating face. And then, Ric’s voice washed over Bernie like a sedative, words directed at Alex.

‘‘I think it’s time you left, Miss. Before I have security escort you out.’’

Alex smirked and sauntered off but not before throwing Bernie one last look of disgust.

Bernie placed the glasses back onto the bar, visibly shaken.

‘‘Bernie.’’

‘‘Ric, I…I am so sorry you had to be there for that, but…thank you…I…’’

She felt she was close to hyperventilating, and then felt Ric’s hand on the small of her back.

‘‘Let’s get a breath of fresh air, Major Wolfe. I feel like you and I need to have a little chat.’’

* * *

 

It was the god-awful aftershave he insisted on bathing in that gave her pause. She turned more effortlessly in her stilettos than she thought was possible and pinned with a questioning look.

He swayed on his drunk feet as he reached her, but was clearly amused by the state in which he found her and it was only then that she became fully aware of the tears which had melted her mascara and the flushed cheeks she had hoped the light June breeze would soothe.

‘‘Edward, for once in your miserable life, couldn’t you leave me well enough alone?’’

There was no anger now; it was an honest to god question she wanted an answer to. He had been the one who’d cheated, he ruined their lives. He was the one ‘‘happily’’ married, their daughter’s first and only choice. So what then does he want with her? Why does he feel the need to always find her when she is at her lowest and beat her further into the ground?

The sneer blooming on his potato face made her inwardly throw her past self a ‘‘what were you thinking?’’ look but she shook the mish-mash of thoughts away so she could focus on not screaming her guts out in the middle of the car park.

‘‘You…with your perfect, stuck-up ways. It was you who’d made me do it. Even though I didn’t mean to. But a man has needs Serena. Ever since Elinor was born, it was all about her. I didn’t exist anymore. And you wonder why I cheated? I think I lasted longer than you’d expect any normal man to last, in such circumstances. What would you do if your spouse was frigid? I needed you and you weren’t there, so I found what I needed elsewhere. I just wish I knew the real reason why. And tonight I finally realized it.’’

Serena managed to not break eye contact, his words making her insides roll, especially with the implication that it was Elinor who’d broken the two of them up.

He came closer with each sentence, and she could almost taste each whiskey sour he’d consumed. The tears flowed faster but she couldn’t find it in her to care.

‘‘That blonde of yours? Well, I say yours, but she never really will be, will she? Sure, you pine after her like a fucking puppy, but honestly, who would look twice? I hear she’s new to this lesbian malarkey, what on Earth makes you think she’d choose you as one of her firsts? The tall drink of water she is, she could have any young beauty her little heart sets its eyes on and you still hold hope that she’ll look at you one day and think: yes, that dried up old hag is my forever after?’’

It was wrong, all wrong, her head hurt and her knees gave way and she completely checked out of the conversation until all she registered was her own heartbeat. She had to open her eyes, had to face him, even though he was verbally pummeling her back into the most insecure parts of her being, the ones that made her give form to the very same worries, questions and fears he was so cruelly throwing at her.

A pained whine jolted her from her stupor and she shot her eyes open only to see Edward face down on the concrete, pinned down by the very subject of his hateful rant.

Serena watched, frozen, as Bernie twisted both his arms behind his back and up, up, so far up she thought she herself could feel the ligaments tearing and the bones cracking.

‘‘Say that again, Edward. Hm? Come on then, Eddie boy. You certainly had a manifesto only seconds ago.’’

Bernie’s voice was dangerously low but crisp and clear in the silence between Edward’s pained breaths.

‘‘I could so easily break every finger, Edward. Beyond any kind of repair. You’d never work again because I’d make well sure of that. Or I could just kill you right here, I think Serena would like that. And contrary to the belief you expressed with regards to the situation at hand - I am and always will be very willing to do anything Serena wants me to. ‘‘

Her tone was even and calm, but Serena heard the underlying anger, it bonded with her own bubbling rage something fierce. After a while, the Major continued.

‘‘I could make it look like a mugging gone wrong. After all, I’m ex-army. How many ways do you think I can kill you using just my hands?’’

He was out of breath and yet, somehow, only managed to spit out a couple of words before his face was plastered back onto the concrete.

‘‘Bloody carpet-muncher!’’

Serena saw red then. She calmly approached Bernie and set one soothing palm on her left shoulder.

‘‘Get him standing please.’’

And Bernie did. She wasn’t lying, she would do anything Serena wanted her to, even if it meant letting the sorry bastard go. Somehow though, as she hauled his weak excuse for a human being up and onto his feet, the glint of pure hatred in Serena’s eyes told her Edward would not be getting away that easily.

Hands still wound behind his back, he faced the brunette now. And looked, for all his words, ready to shit his pants (if he hadn’t already).

‘‘I am going to put it into words even you will understand, Edward. Bother me again, and there will be consequences. Cross my path and molest me the way you just did, there will be dire repercussions. Speak ill of me, my daughter or Major Wolfe ever again, and I will have her visit you when you least expect it and I will have her chop of your testicles – if she can find them – and said objects will then promptly be stapled to your forehead. And you know, in your heart of hearts that she _will_ do it, don’t you Edward?’’

The sweetness of her words countered with the murderous intent in them was like a breath of fresh air for Bernie. As for Edward, he simply gulped hard, and nodded, his head down.

‘‘Oh, but, I don’t think you’d take us seriously if we were to just…let you go.’’

She finally got the courage to look straight into Bernie’s eyes and found nothing but encouragement there. Then the blonde spoke, as if reading her mind.

‘‘The left kneecap, I should think. I’d save the arms and hands for some future transgression, though I think we all three are fervently hoping it doesn’t come to that, aren’t we?’’

Bernie swiftly let go of his arms and stood in front of him. Honestly, she’d thought he’d try to do a runner and she’d have to chase him but he seemed to have reached some kind of acceptance.

The blow she delivered to the aforementioned kneecap was swift and beyond painful, if his screams and writhing were anything to go by.

Bernie then knelt by his prone body and whispered.

‘‘Plenty more where that came from, Ed. Take Serena’s words to heart. Oh and, needless to say, if you tell anyone about this, I have a few army buddies who are far more skilled than I at inflicting corporal punishment, who do not take lightly to abusers. Or people who badmouth their old army comrades. Anyway, we should get going. Serena?’’

It was more than surreal. Abstract and wonderful and terrifying, thought Serena as she let Bernie lead her away to  hail an incoming cab. In a rather movie-like sequence, they slid inside the vehicle just as Liberty discovered Edward’s prone body. Both women let out long breaths and faced each other.

‘‘So, Serena Campbell,I was thinking…maybe we should talk?’’

Those were the words Serena used to dread, always. But now, she couldn’t wait for the moment when everything will be out, for better or for worse. The night may have progressed to a point of no return, but if Edward was in the past, and Bernie was with her in the present, why would she ever want that return?

* * *

 

‘‘Drink?’’

‘‘No, thank you. I think I need a clear head for this.’’

It was only then that Serena had properly looked at Bernie since they got in the cab, as she was too busy trying to do a brief spring-cleaning of her own mental state.

‘‘I know this wasn’t the way you thought tonight would be like. I’ve really put my foot in it, as your official shield, haven’t I? As it was, you ended being my knight in shining armor.’’

Bernie shook her head, eyes on the ground.

‘‘Shall we sit down? I feel like we need to sit down for this, Serena. I have so many things I need to talk to you about.’’

Serena nodded and followed Bernie to the living room. They sat on the couch, barely an inch of space between them, but something was stopping her from touching the blonde like she normally would. And that something was fear, petrifying fear she’d tried to filter out of her body, but was now coming back full force.

‘‘Before I found you and Edward on the parking lot I…I had a little chat with Ric.’’

* * *

 

‘‘Bernie…I’m sorry if it seemed like I was eavesdropping. It just seemed, if your face was anything to go by, like you could use some back up. And as I saw Serena headed to the loo a few minutes ago, I thought I’d step in.’’

Shaken, Bernie took another drag of the cigarette, already planning on rushing back in to get Serena. She dared not think how the woman would feel if Edward cornered her and Bernie wasn’t there. She still had Serena’s confession in her mind, and the image of a shard of glass just wouldn’t let her be. The thought of Edward made her fists clench and her breath run ragged. That, coupled with the whole Alex escapade made her impossibly unstable. She tried to focus on Ric’s voice to drag her out of the spiral.

 ‘‘Bernie, there is something I need to tell you. No matter what you may think of what Ms Dawson just told you – all things you need to forget about right now, as they were spiteful lies – there is one I’d like to address in particular. Believe me, normally, I would leave well enough alone as it is surely not my business but the situation is getting ut of hand. Two of my friends and colleagues are hurting deeply and I think it’s time I did something about it, as the two of them seem to be getting nowhere.’’

Bernie eyed him questioningly and he smiled sympathetically. Without any sort of introduction as to the topic he blurted out the words she was most certainly not prepared for.

‘‘Do you love Serena?’’

* * *

 

Serena almost jumped off the couch.

‘‘What?’’

‘‘Sit down, please. This is difficult enough, I don’t think I could bear you being so far away.’’

Gingerly, Serena lowered herself back onto the couch cushions and felt Bernie grasp her hand. Catching her eyes the blonde peered through her fringe at her best friend.

‘‘Serena…do you love me?’’

She could fake nonchalance and ask where on earth all of it is coming from. She could end this right now. It has to be a cruel joke. What about Alex? The locker room? The bar scene just now? She felt like the walls were closing in on her and she was losing breath. But, for some reason, she needed to get the words off her chest, no matter what happened.

‘‘Yes Bernie, I do. With all my heart. But I understand. You’re with Alex. That’s why I didn’t tell you. What on earth would you need me for when you have her? The woman you’ve wanted ever since forever. One can’t easily forget their first real love. ‘‘

Bernie looked at her, dumbfounded it seemed, tears now streaming down the sides of her face. The grip of her hand became almost vicious, but Serena welcomed it.

‘‘Serena…Ric told me about what you saw. In the locker room. And though it’s hard for me to talk about it…it’s really not what you think…I…she…’’

Serena heard her try and reach a breath and fail gloriously.

‘‘Bernie, look at me, darling. Breathe with me, sync your lungs to mine, come on.’’

Bernie did as instructed and soon, she was able to continue.

* * *

 

 _‘‘I should have fought her harder, she shouldn’t have been able to touch me. I’m an army major. I am her superior officer for fuck’s sake!’’_ stood in the first bit of Bernie’s journal entry for the day Alex assaulted her.

Ha! Even the very word made her angry. But in the moment she was paralyzed. And when she did try and fight her off, she was suddenly unable to coerce her muscles to their full strength. It was like she was looking at the entire situation from the outside, like running through water. And when Morven called out for her a second later, it was all she needed to get her brain in operational gear. She shoved Alex aside, tried to forget the unwanted feeling of her mouth and hands everywhere on her body, so incredibly harsh and stomach-tightening. Later on, she re-thought her decision not to call the police, since Alex may well be capable of doing it to some other girl, and that girl might end up unable to defend herself.

But in the end she gave it up like a bad penny. Who would believe her, it would be her word against Alex’s and she couldn’t even begin to imagine the gossip it would entail. She’s all set for the amount of odd looks and curious whispers, thank you very much.

And as she sat in front of Serena recounting the way she was so viciously robbed of her choice, decency and voice, she was back in the moment, her eyes shut tight, breaths ragged, cheeks on fire.

It was only Serena’s voice, soothing her through the words that brought her back.

Dear god, why hadn’t she told her how she felt before all of this? But if Serena’s eyes told her anything, it was that it wasn’t too late.

* * *

 

Serena knew one thing for sure. She could kill Alexandra Dawson. Just like Bernie surely would have killed Edward for her. And as she cradled a sobbing Bernie, laying them both down on the couch, she focused on all the love she felt for the woman to get her through the tears they were both shedding. And as she felt Bernie start to nod off, a tear-induced slumber well pending, she felt her tighten her arms around her waist, and the long-desired words came tumbling from her lips.

‘‘I love you, Serena Campbell.’’

And as sleep overtook the blonde, her head buried in the crook of Serena’s neck, the brunette wrapped a blanket around them and stayed awake a while longer to guard the major’s dreams.

* * *

 

Their first kiss was the feathered touch of lips on newly-awakened skin, Bernie’s head on Serena’s chest, unable to help herself from placing a chaste imprint of herself on Serena’s clavicle.

Serena blinked slowly, soon giving in to the unexpected but definitely welcome sensation. She was sure Bernie could feel her heartbeat was off the charts, but she didn’t care. This was the first person she could give all of herself to. They hadn’t had the conversation yet, but just looking down into the blonde’s warm, sleepy eyes, made Serena believe the two could conquer the world together. And when she tilted her face down, and was met halfway by she who was essentially her perfect opposite, her other half…she couldn’t and wouldn’t hold back. Not with this woman who would most certainly hold all of her safe for a long time yet to come.

 

 

 THE END

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I may do a sequel in which Serena deals with Alex, that version of the woman certainly didn't get what she deserves quite yet, ya know? :)


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